Sitting on the dingy bar stool she haphazardly taps her empty bottle on the distant side of the bar. With her free hand she traces a scratch along the surface of the counter. The bartender hears her silent plea and hands her another, no words are spoken as he takes the old bottle from her hand. It wouldn't have mattered if he had spoken, the music was thumping louder than either cared to speak.
Her body is already heavy from what she has consumed as she reaches slowly for her wallet. Another man hands the bartender cash. He smiles down at her and she gives him the look she knows he is expecting.
She pretends to be interested as he speaks. He pushes in close, she can feel the heat of his voice as he talks into her ear. She shakes her head and touches his arm. She laughs and she begins to be unsure if he is actually making her laugh or if she is just playing her part. He buys her another drink. The music doesn't seem as loud, her choices don't seem so bad, and the night is pulsing through her veins.
She looks across the room and sees so many faces. So many people living out their lives. Some were laughing, some sing, an old man sits alone at the bar, others dance, holding one another close; everyone has a role of their own.
One face stands out to her.
He never takes his eyes off her. How long he had been there, she couldn't be sure. He didn't look away when she made eye contact. The look on his face was somewhere between rage and hurt. She turns slowly back to her bottle and she takes a long hard drink. As she swallows she steadies not only her hand, but her breathing. She knows she isn't doing anything he hadn't done already, but guilt, longing, and memories course through her. Sucking in the air that now seems incredibly stuffy, she turns to the man she is sitting with. She excuses herself and walks quietly into the night.
The crisp air hits her face and as she walks under the street lights she feels haunted. Looking behind her she is relieved to see that no one has followed. She knows she should go home. She feels lost and scared, and it's safe there. The thought of the silence that would surround her as she walks through the front door leads her to begin to dig in her purse. She can't bear to be alone with her thoughts. She pulls out her phone and slumps against the building's cold stone wall. As she dials her bad choice, her fingers shake. As she listens to the ringing in her ear, she closes her eyes. Part of her prays he wont answer.
She hears his voice as he says hello and a lump forms in her throat. Swallowing hard she whispers,
"I have to see you tonight."
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