Karma is a bitch and that dude is an asshole.

"I'm sorry."  Two little words.  Two evil, manipulative, heart clenching words.  I'm so tired of hearing them!

For which part I asked him in response.  

"Just the losing my temper part.  I just don't understand how you could not know that I care about you after everything."  Nick shows very little actual emotion these days so this is about as good as it gets. I was not in the mood.  I also had nothing to say to this.  I needed to get back to work.  So that's what I did.  It was a Friday and I was eager to get out of there. Plus I didn't want my coworker to see that I was still giving Nick the time of day...  

Closing up my classroom with my coworker, my cellphone rang.

"Babe, what are you doing right now?" At the sound of his voice I instantly smile.  Ick.

Instantly I was a stupid giddy girl who forgot she was holding a grudge.  He had pretty much ignored me since he finally was allowed to be with me.  He begged me to split from my husband because that would change everything, then he pretty much went MIA.  Dickhead move.  Then he got snippy with me when I simply asked him about it.  (That is what the apology was for, he had yelled at me about it and I didn't talk to him for another two days after as my response to his hosility.)

"I am leaving work now, why what are you doing?"

"Come over," he replied.

My coworker gave me that all knowing look and shook his head.  Apparently my giddy disposition gave me away.  Or he saw my phone.  I cannot remember, I was distracted.  He and I had talked earlier in our shift about how out of all the paths I could take right now, Nick was by far the worst choice, yet he happened to be my favorite choice.  I just can't shake him.  I said it before, he gets under my skin.

Hours later I find myself standing in the doorway of his garage looking out into the starry snowy night.  There was no breeze but the air was frigid.  I couldn't see them at first but I could hear them.

"Hey!  She is here!  Go get changed!"

 I stare skeptically at the two men in the hot tub.  Fog spilled out from over the sides of the tub blocking most of them from my view but I could see several beer cans along the side, empty or full, I was unsure at that point, but I was curious about how one would get into the hot tub without freezing their ass off.  This is what I was thinking about in the moments I stood in the doorway as Nick hopped out of the tub and bounced the few feet from the tub to the garage, his bare feet hitting the snow quickly.  He wrapped his warm wet arms around me and kissed me.  I was over being mad.

"I missed you," he whispered and then loud enough for his friend to hear he yelled,  "Hurry up girl!  Go get that bikini on!"

He grabbed some more beer from the fridge next to me and pranced back out into the snow.  I stood there another moment staring into the night.  I was not so sure about this one.  His friend chimed in with something about leaving anything I didn't want to get wet in the house.

I change.  I reapply all of my winter clothes.  Something about walking out into 17 degree weather in a bikini just didn't seem like something I wanted to do.  I take one step out the door and both guys yell at me to get my ass back in the house and just man up and take off the winter clothes.  I scowl and march back in.

I take a deep breath.  A cold deep breath.  The garage wasn't exactly warm either.  What the hell.  You only live once right?  I just might die a little sooner from hypothermia.  I take off my boots first, then my knee high socks.  I don't fuck around when I bundle up.  I hesitate at my jeans, but then strip them down.  I unzip my heavy coat and unwrap my scarf.  Sliding the coat to the ground I think about the tank top and zippy running jacket I still have on concealing my bathing suit...yeah they are going to help escort me to that tub.  I walk out quickly.

Upon getting to the side of the tub I realize that I hadn't noticed before that there were no quick or easy ways in.  There were stairs on the other side, but they were buried in a snow bank.  The boys were blocking the closest entrance.  Every second that my feet rested in the snow I was in agony.  Laughing the guys reached their hands out and helped me in.... coat and tank top included.  I pulled them off quickly because I didn't want the chlorine to ruin them.  Nick threw them off into the snow.  Well... there goes my only dry clothes.  Fabulous.

Nick's friend Dan was rambling on about constellations so I sunk down into the water and just listened.  Nick pulled me over to him and I rested in his arms as we all looked up into the night sky.  It was so clear.  Minutes ticked on by.  We laughed.  Dan was complaining about his lighter not working and being out of beer.  Nick's eyes were closed and his head was back but he was rubbing my leg so I knew he was still awake.  Dan eventually got tired of bitching apparently and got out.  After a few minutes of him not coming back, Nick began to kiss the back of my neck.  I let him for a moment, and then turned around and kissed him back.  He whispered something about me being his girl.  He rested his head on my shoulder.  It must have gotten wet because there was ice forming in his hair.  I ran my hand through it a few times, I had never really realized how soft of hair he had.  He suddenly pushed me away and then pulled me into the spot he had been sitting.

As he began to push up against me and tug at my suit, I muttered something about how I once read about how bad it is for a girls body to have sex in a hot tub.  He laughed and put his hand over my mouth to shut me up.  He was laughing as he struggled with my suit.  I float so the entire thing was hilarious.  Ultimately he got his way.  And a few minutes later Dan returned and we all laughed, talked, and drank for a while longer.  Eventually we decided that it was getting late so we got out of the tub and made a dash for the house.  Dan headed for the basement game room where he slept, and I grabbed what dry clothes I still had left.  Nick pulled me to his room where he wrapped me in a towel and then began kissing me again.  I was shivering and my long frozen hair was slowly dripping down my back.  He peeled my wet suit off of me and pushed me playfully onto his bed.
He whispered to me, "Did you miss me this week?"

****Yeah... Insert round two details here....****

"I gotta go find Dan." I kid you not, these were the next words he said to me right after he finished.  I sit up and look at him for a moment.  He was already putting on dry clothes.

"Well I am going to need a dry shirt."  Without looking at me, he tossed me a clean dry t-shirt.  He walked out of the room.

Why does this behavior even still surprise me!?  I get dressed.  My hair is a wet curly mess, but it doesn't look half bad.  I wipe smeared mascara off my face, take a deep breath, and walk into the room where I find the guys playing Madden.  I sit next to Nick for a few moments and he playfully nudges me with his knee.

My friend calls me.  I decide it's time to go home.  Earlier in the night Nick had asked me to spend the night with him, but after a reality check from my pal I decided I needed to get out of there.  By the time I got off the phone, Nick had left to go get food.  Dan turned to me and asked if I would play for Nick in the game for a few minutes.  I agreed.

After a moment Dan said, "you know, you should definitely stay, he likes you, and I know he wants you here."  I just laughed.

Nick came back with some food, but mostly was excited about the weed he apparently just purchased.  He didn't look at me, and hadn't said a word since returning. I walked over to him to say good bye but he positioned himself so his back was now turned to me.  It was deliberate, which pissed me off.  I looked over at Dan who was back to playing his game.  Then I looked at the door. Out I walked.

That was three days ago.  I didn't contact him, and he didn't contact me.

Today I got the pleasure of seeing Nick on campus.  Note that I am most definitely being sarcastic.  He not only ignored the playful  message I sent him when we first got there, despite me seeing him on his phone, he was definitely there with another girl.  My friend/coworker also attends the same school as me so he assured me I am prettier than this chick, but I know him well enough to know that he would fib to spare my feelings.

Even if he isn't fibbing Nick clearly thought this girl was better than me...At first I thought they were just sitting together because we were in a big long meeting, but despite not wanting to see, I saw the flirtatious talking and touching.  The meeting broke up and we were all separated. I was relieved to see them leave.  An hour later my group was dismissed and I purchased a coffee to keep me awake for my drive home.  I talked to a few girls I hadn't seen in a while and slowly made my way to my car.  While crossing the parking lot to my car I walked in front of a vehicle slowly coming around the corner.  Wouldn't you know.  It was Nick.  Perfect terrible timing.  She was in his car and appeared to be playfully pulling on his arm.  He was smiling and then he looked right at me.  Not skipping a beat he turned his head and drove off.

Yeah.  So karma is a bitch.  I guess I deserved that.  Ultimately I probably deserve worse, but wow, I am not going to lie, today would have sucked without the addition of his presence.

Like I said before.  He is a fucking razor blade.  This time he may have at least went for the jugular so I might be able to move on from the nightmare that has been knowing him. That's what it has been.  A nonstop nightmare.  It's not wonder I can't sleep.