Life Goes On it Appears

There is something about this silence.  I find myself falling in love with it.

I should miss my husband more than I do, and part of me does, but only in wisps.  Brief moments that attack and then retreat quickly.  There is a quick pang, I swallow it down.  I chose this.  I refuse to change my mind now that I have made it up.

I have been very busy the last few days.  It keeps me out of trouble.  ...Well for the most part anyways.

He left Monday afternoon but has been back twice to get more of his stuff.  I hate seeing the hurt in his face when he realizes that I still haven't changed my mind.  He doesn't even begin to understand.   It is not his fault.  His brain works the way it is supposed to, how could he understand that my worlds just aren't lining up anymore and the imbalance is causing such destruction within myself that I just cannot bear it anymore.

I never told him that he wasn't the only man in my life.

For a girl who has always hated finding herself alone, I am surprising myself with how much I am enjoying the simplicity of not having to be accountable to anyone but myself.  As I said, I am falling in love with the silence.  Its not just actual silence.  There is more often than not background noise.  Whether it be music or the television, my house is lively despite it being just me and my dogs.  The silence is more in my head.  I love it.